Review: Republic Restoratives Fascist Tears Vodka

April Fool’s announcements by a brands of new absurd products are pretty common these days. Most of these products stay jokes and gags, never to be realized or actually brought to market — but this bottle of vodka is the exception: an April Fool’s joke that actually became an economically viable offering.

History

As you might expect for a distillery located in Washington D.C., the history of Republic Restoratives starts with politicians.

Pia Carusone had built a successful career in politics, serving as Chief of Staff to Congresswoman Gabby Giffords and in 2011 was appointed as the Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs at the Department of Homeland Security. But by 2013, after experiencing the horror of watching her boss Gabby Giffords nearly be assassinated on stage and enduring the grueling world of federal politics, Carusone was burnt out and wanted to make a change.

In her own words, at that point, “[y]ou can’t help but ask yourself, ‘what has my life amounted to, what would I regret’ following an experience like that”. And like so many other burnt-out, high performing people before her, she decided to quit the rat race and open a distillery.

Carusone teamed up with lifelong friend Rachel Cole Gardner to realize this dream. Gardner had found her love for fermented drinks in college, starting with making her own beer and eventually moving into the world of distilling in Seattle, Washington. There she worked with Berle “Rusty” Figgins Jr., a consultant distiller and assisted him in building and opening a number of craft distilleries in the area, and also worked on immersing herself in the technical details of distilled spirits by earning a Craft Distilling Certificate from the Spirits Institute of Puget Sound and attending courses at Moonshine University.

Together, Carusone and Gardner had the expertise and the gumption to open a distillery, and a fortuitous change in the laws in the District of Columbia had encouraged new businesses to open there — but they lacked the funding to make that dream a reality. They turned to crowdfunding to get their distillery off the ground, appealing to the fact that this would be the first woman-owned distillery in the District with both founders being members of the LGBTQ+ community to drive excitement and interest in the project, and appealing to their audience with provocative titles for their proposed spirits.

The result was a huge success — the distillery would become the largest crowd funded craft distillery in the world with over $119,500 in funding, opening its doors for the first time on Mother’s Day in 2016.

Product

• Learn More: What's the Difference Between Whiskey, Bourbon, Scotch, and Rye?

Originally announced as an April Fool’s Day joke in 2024, the Republic Restoratives team saw that there was an overwhelming demand to actually own a bottle of this vodka and as a result has made this into a real product that you can actually buy. (And one where a fraction of the proceeds from each bottle is donated to Vote.org).

Vodka is a pretty simple spirit — it’s just raw distilled alcohol without any barrel aging or funny business. In this case, the distillery starts with a crop of 100% American-grown eastern sweet corn which is milled, cooked, and fermented to create a mildly alcoholic liquid. That is then distilled to a minimum of 95% ABV (almost pure alcohol) to remove as many flavors and textures as possible that would have come from the original grains. After distillation, the spirit is proofed down with water and bottled for sale.

Packaging

Overall, the design of the bottle is somewhat familiar but with a novel twist. The general shape is that of a cylindrical body with a sharply angled shoulder and short neck, capped off with a plastic and synthetic stopper. It’s clean and modern, consistent with other craft distilleries out there.

What’s different (and something I hadn’t seen elsewhere until reviewing bottles from Republic Restoratives) is that the base is chamfered. Meaning that it isn’t a flat base with a hard edge, but instead there’s a bit of an angle sloping inwards from the straight wall to the flat base. It’s an interesting choice that does make this bottle stand out a bit more while not being too flashy.

The label is artfully crafted — the brand name is done in big, bold, block letters evoking the bold and powerful imagery often used by fascist organizations and governments to project their strength. Easily missed on the bottle are two raised teardrops along the left side — not printed, but instead actually physically formed into the label itself. It’s a neat trick and makes for a more interesting design.

Neat

This definitely looks the part of a good vodka: perfectly crystal clear and water white. Coming off the glass I get just a little bit of coriander spice and in the background some light industrial alcohol or hand sanitizer, but not overwhelming at all.

Sipping this vodka is a smooth experience, with that coriander spice being the primary thing I’m picking up. It’s not just straight raw alcohol, but instead something a little more complex and softened, with a bit of sweetness coming through likely from the corn raw ingredient. Heck, I might almost detect a hint of slate or salinity in here (if this is a direct reference to the name, extra points).

There’s no bitterness or alcohol bite here to ruin your day, just a good clean vodka.

On Ice

What I’m looking for when taken on the rocks is anything faulty starting to shine through. Sometimes, distillers can hide faults in their spirits with fancy tricks and make it taste fine neat, but usually a bit of ice reveals any secrets that might be hiding.

In this case, this tastes as smooth and delicious as when it was neat. The flavor just has that element that’s coding to me as coriander spice: slightly citrus, a hint of floral, some earthy elements… all of it reminding me of the flavors I’d find in my favorite Indian restaurant.

Now, it’s entirely possible this is just my brain trying to ascribe some flavor to the raw alcohol in here… but this is how it tastes to me.

Cocktail (Flatiron Martini)

Vodka in a cocktail is something that is difficult to really test. The whole concept is that it shouldn’t add anything to the drink and instead be a good blank slate on which to build your temple of flavor. So today I’m going to try something I saw in a Reddit comment: a Flatiron Martini.

What is that? Here’s the list — throw it in a shaker and see what comes out.

• 1.5 oz vodka
• 1.5 oz lillet blanc 
• Barspoon cointreau
• 2 dashes orange bitters

This is, quite frankly, delicious. There’s a great interplay between all the elements, and (much like Denzel Washington’s character at the opening of Crimson Tide), this vodka knows when to shut its yap and not ruin the moment. There’s nothing strange or unexpected coming through and that’s exactly what we like to see.

Overall Rating

Observed in a vacuum and just judged as a vodka, this is a great product. Clean, smooth, and without any obvious faults. It’s exactly what you’d expect and hope for in a bottle of vodka.

What kicks this up a notch in my book is the novelty of it. I enjoy when distilleries take a chance and make something funny or enjoyable that’s a bit off the beaten path, and that’s exactly what we have here. The branding and the story behind the distillery might not be to the taste of everyone on the political spectrum, but the vodka itself certainly should be.

All reviews are evaluated within the context of their specific spirit classification as specified above. Click here to check out similar spirits we have reviewed.

Overall Rating: 4/5
Unlike the post where this started, this bottle ain’t no joke. Smooth, clean, and delicious vodka.